9 Nov 2011

Is he gay? Is he interested in me or not? Damn, this is confusing

Halloween is really a big thing, not because of the embedded cultural factors but mostly about dressing up for a cool and fun party. Indeed, this is why people expect Halloween. A very close friend told me that Halloween is also a weird time when strange things happen. According to her, people would get more excited and thus act more bluntly than usual. I kind of agree with her, but honestly, I think the reason is booze and the party mood.

So I went to a quite cool Halloween party in a local gay club. In where I live, gay club is something totally different from what you normally know. Though the club clearly stated that they were a gay club, from my point of view it was simply a dance club with a bit more gay crowds than others. Since options for night life is miserable here, and true gay clubs seem nonexistent, naturally you see mixed crowds everywhere. Anyways, we only had this gay club here, and yes, I use "had" because it only lasted for about 6 months. In fact, I heard this Halloween party was their last night! I believe there must be some more gay places in my town, but unfortunately, as being away from club scenes for too long, I totally have no clue of them. So it is really sad that the only gay club I know is gone forever...

This Halloween party was fun even though there were lots of "fake" gays who simply went there to enjoy the lustful attention from gay guys. I don't mind them as long as they stay away and don't dance. It is obvious these straight guys came with either their gay friends or other female friends. I really don't think a straight would go to a gay bar alone.

Then this guy with a pretty face caught my attention. Obviously he came alone since he didn't really talk to anyone and kept playing with his iphone. He came without dressing up as anything and his demeanor said he seemed to be straight. Gray polo shirt, jeans, and a beer, nothing fancy or pretty. I don't think a gay guy would dare to show up like that in a gay club! I told my female friend about him, and then she started to look for him. I am pretty sure he noticed us because later he just stood facing us and chatted with the girl next to him.

To my surprise, he came near our table, made a silly smile, and then quickly turned and went back to the girl to whom he talked. Then the girl pushed him, and he came near us again, but this time he waved his hand and said hi. Again, he quickly turned and went back to his girl friend. Since he wore a pair of funny sunglasses, I could not tell whether he said that to me or my girl friend. Instinctively, I thought that was for my girl friend, but she told me that this is a gay bar, so it must be for me. Confusing, as I say, I don't even believe that the club is truly a gay one.

Nothing happened since that, and he kept standing in front of us, but he started talking to another girl who hit on him. They seemed to have a great time and exchanged phone numbers, I guess. So I thought I was right about him being straight. Later, someone bumped into my right arm, and naturally I turned my face towards that person. That was him. He said sorry and then quickly walked away to where he had been the whole night. But just that short period of time, one second only, I am pretty sure we exchanged an eye contact because I saw nothing but his brown eyes in which I do remember there was a sparkle. But at that moment, I told myself that was the reflection of the light. Then nothing happened, and he kept talking to that girl.

All my friends said I got picked up, but deep down I don't think so. I am pretty sure I got picked up if this happens in a real gay club, like GAY in London where I had experienced numerous similar situations. But here... that is questionable. They all laughed at me for being stupid and cowardly, and I do agree. After being single for too long, it is quite difficult for me to react with confidence to this, especially when I cannot even define whether he was smiling at me or not.  This is really confusing, and it bugs me. Not that I want to develop something with him, but that puzzle lingering in my mind. It felt good to have an admirer! Shame on me for being so superficial.

If he is straight, why would he go to a gay bar alone? Why didn't he just make it easy and introduce himself right after that silly smile? So my very dear friend is right. Halloween is truly a weird time in which strange things happen.

30 Oct 2011

A Coward

A coward is a man
Who dares not make a move
To that rare chance
Offered to him
On the golden tray.

A coward is a man

Who dares only to give a smile
Without saying his name
Bestowed on him
On his very first day

A coward is a man
Ignoring the present
Indulging in the past
That is a glory to him
As if life is simply a dying fame

A coward is a man
Losing his self
Pretending to be a real man
That is a goal to him
As if life is simply being a man

He's not a man

For his tries are so lame
I'm not a man
For this smother I place on my fate

       ---------- Minchih Sun 2011-10-30

24 Oct 2011



16 Oct 2011







---------- 孫敏智 2011/10/16

14 Oct 2011

Life is like a dream

Life is like a dream
And I am dreaming my life
From dawn to dusk
It's not a grind

When the night falls
I am again alive
Awakening from dreams
Bereft of life

A sober torso
With a dreary mind
In the bleak realm
The undead sighs

Scorn the real
Cos all is a sign
Embrace the ideal
Cos vain is fine

With the God of vine
With his sweet sweet wine
Dream is nothing
But a perfect life

I am letting myself swirl
In the dreams of life
Taking flight
I shall drift with my frenzied right

---- Minchih Sun, 2011-10-14