記遊大西北

孫敏智

        敦煌、戈壁、玉門關，如此熟悉卻又遙遠的地名。

        熟悉，是因他們重復出現在歷史、地理教材中，是為應付考試而重復背誦的名稱。

        陌生，是因他們與歷史事件的相交重疊，延展了地理上的距離，成為了歷史中的真實。

        是歷史，又是現實，在未踏上那布滿黃沙碎石的土地前，敦煌是想象的敦煌，戈壁是夢中的戈壁，玉門關是詩人的玉門關。

        然而，當飛機緩緩低飛過那壯觀的鳴沙山時，倏地夢醒了。此時，詩人筆下之虛幻意象為眼前之境所取代，想象與實景的疊合，沖擊著腦細胞，震撼了交感神經，皮膚表層隨之出現了一片疙瘩。

        俗話說「讀萬卷書，行萬里路」，不親歷其境，真不知大詩人筆下意境之廣大奇絕，也難怪董其昌論畫，直說要寫胸中丘壑，怎能不讀萬卷書，怎能不行萬里路。

        隱藏在沙丘山間的月牙泉，果然是大漠行旅人的唯一希望。滿眼金黃中的一點波光粼粼，一片湛藍下的一點綠影曳曳，煞是美，照片也確實百分百地捕捉了那難以言喻的光景，但情感卻在機器復制影像的過程中被隔絕而拋棄。唯有曾頂著那灼人身心的烈日，爬過那進一退三的金黃細沙，抵拒著丘頂上恣意橫貫的強風，才能體會沙漠綠洲的生命意義，才能了解生命韌性。源於體悟而出的美，不是物的風景美，而是人身處風景中的生命美。

        就像王之渙那一句「春風不度玉門關」（《涼州詞》），若不曾面對那孤然挺立的玉門關關城，便不知塞外大漠的蕭瑟凄涼。字裡行間的抑郁孤寂，直應王昌齡的「孤城遙望玉門關」（《從軍行》），原來邊塞荒蕪，人跡罕見，是這般景色。「秦時明月漢時關，萬裡長征人未還」（《出塞》），王昌齡這膾炙人口的名句，道出邊關的絕望意象，呼應戴叔倫說：「看花無語淚如傾，多少春風怨別情。不識玉門關外路，夢中昨夜到邊城。」（《閨怨》）此絕望不僅是面著大漠、守著邊城者的絕望，也是家眷的絕望，更是愛情的絕望。

        但是，站在玉門關前眺望河谷裡近乎幹涸的沼澤，忽意識到詩人們講的絕望，或許是心中的一絲希望。那在近乎無生命之險惡環境中隨風飛舞的蘆葦，反而象征著愛情的延續，生命的繼續。

        如此悲涼，講到邊塞總想到颯颯秋風，所以李白說「秋風吹不盡，總是玉關情」（《秋歌》），又說「長風幾萬裡，吹度玉門關」（《關山月》）。這風在大西北廣闊無垠的土地上不受阻礙地橫肆著，無情地刮著，似乎可以把邊城人的頭發都給刮白了，變成江洪講的「紅顏征戍兒，白首邊城將」（《胡笳曲》）。面對那無所阻礙的黃沙大漠，烈日下的飛沙走石，回首從前，不得不懷疑起生命的目的，正岑參說：「沙上見日出，沙上見日沒。悔向萬裡來，功名是何物？」（《日沒賀延磧作》）

        大西北，風景真岑參講的「平沙莽莽黃入天」、「隨風滿地石亂走」。那風也確實是「風頭如刀面如割」（《走馬川行奉送出師西征》），一刮起來，「北風卷地白草折」，但風停後卻霎時「愁雲慘淡萬裡凝」。他說的是冬天的雪景，沒見著，不過「山回路轉不見君，雪上空留馬行處」（《白雪歌送武判官歸京》），改作「沙上空留駝行處」，正是烈日炎炎下的大西北風光。

        不行這萬裡路，便不知詩人之旨趣所在，也就不能體會詩到底是如何具體化生命意象。

        不來到敦煌，便不知飛天原來這麼美，原來敦煌洞窟壁畫是如此的震撼人心。

        敦煌壁畫的崇高美，並不在畫面中的顏色、線條與形式的組合，而在出自那千百年前帶著虔誠供養心而作畫的人的筆觸上。窟內佛像的平和美，亦是如此。扁平的照片，看不出這種直抵人心的美的力量。

        看似黑得會吞噬人的洞窟，是彌勒世界、極樂世界、琉璃世界。就像陶淵明在《桃花源記》裡說的，唯有真進去了，心才會豁然開朗。

        在這個靈感神秘的黑暗世界中，《彌勒經變圖》讓人暫時放掉既有意識的羈絆，隨著那豐富繁麗的畫面任意馳騁，體悟圓滿世界裡的和平喜樂。經變圖裡的極樂世界，把黝黑的山洞轉變成可以安定人心的修行寶地，而描繪佛本生故事的連環畫，則在娓娓道盡人生變化無常中，肯定了人性本善、人人皆可成佛的理想。

        洞窟裡或坐或站的諸佛菩薩，個個有著那一彎微笑，撫平了塵世中的騷攘無奈，而那一雙祥和之眼，則訴說了清凈的般若大智慧。霎時間，黑暗中出現了帶著一抹金黃的柔和之光，為恐懼、疲憊的心重新注入了能量。

        在數以萬計的造像中，有這麼一尊被稱為東方維納斯的禪修佛，依著光源的不同，他那一笑竟有深淺之分，是神跡？當時的造像者，功夫了得，竟可以鬼斧神工到如此境界。那似為神跡的笑容，剎那間抹除了人生中的苦痛，一見便烙印於心，可為日後撫慰心中之動盪。

        行路難，難的不是路的崎嶇不平，而是心。心定則萬事俱足，心不定，哪怕是平路亦難行。或許，對千百年前的行路人來說，敦煌石窟正是驅策自己繼續前進的心靈補給站。石窟壁畫與造像之所以有如此強大的生命美，就在滾滾黃沙大漠所能引發的生命體悟。

        走了一趟大西北，終於開始明白古人詩文所描繪的邊塞意境，那是生命之美，是對生命的崇拜、不捨與珍惜。

孤獨海灘的甜美之域

椰子樹上的湛藍無限延伸

在視野的盡頭成了一陣陣波動的深藍

徐徐地朝白金的柔軟而去

輕輕一吻下發出了乳白色的讚嘆

金色耀眼中的天籟卸除了一切防備

擺脫了世俗糾纏

霎時的一派自在

Longly Beach 是個 Sweet Zone 

是當下的渴望

是永恆的溫暖

公平只是消費神話：高雄人搭飛機的無奈

同一家航空公司飛往同樣的航點，為什麼高雄人就只有「次級」的服務，且這種「次級服務」甚至要多花個一兩張小朋友才享受得到？

從實際里程看，高雄到北京本比桃園到北京遠，所以價格高也是合理的，又若是從高雄搭高鐵或者接駁航班到桃園轉飛北京，多付高雄到桃園的費用也是理所當然的，這即是現代社會的使用者付費概念，所以從實際距離差異論，定價似乎是合理且公平的。不過當我們比較高雄與桃園到曼谷的價格差異時，這裡的合理性馬上被取消。桃園到曼谷比高雄到曼谷遠，但價格卻比較低，再若決定中轉桃園到曼谷，依據使用者付費概念，整趟旅程的花費也未必會高出高雄飛曼谷許多，則這裡的價格高度不合理，近距離者反比遠距離貴。經過這樣的比較，似乎得出一個結論，若往北走，直接從高雄出發是合理的，而若要往南走，便應該反向先往北走，因為旅程距離的拉長形成更好的「本益比」。然事實並不如此，因唯有從桃園出發才能獲得最佳的飛行「本益比」。

這怎麼說呢？航空公司當然是以提供交通工具服務為目的，但這種目的早已被航空公司自身五花八門的服務所掩蓋，因此消費者在搭飛機時根本不會意識到距離的問題，而是關注「到底我能在飛機上得到什麼服務」。因此消費者搭飛機的成本支出已非航空公司從計算距離而出的定價，而更多在於航空公司在這一確定距離之中所能提供的服務，故消費者在搭飛機之中所得之利益並非從一點到另一點的連結，而是在這種點對點連結中所享能受到的服務狀態。

既然服務內容才是關鍵，則高雄或桃園與任一航點間的距離就不是定價公平與否的依據，也正是這關鍵加重了南北差異問題：高雄人享有的不過是「次級服務」，而這更隱藏了高雄人是「次等人」的社會現實。聽來刺耳，但卻是不爭的事實！

不論是飛北京或是曼谷，從桃園出發的航班多是大飛機，而高雄永遠是用中小型飛機來執行任務。不可否認，顧客數量的多寡決定了飛機大小的運作，但「數大便是美」這種觀點象徵著大者所具有的優越性。這種大的優越性象徵意義並非東方文化所獨有，若真是如此便不能解釋巴黎戴高樂與倫敦希斯洛的機場擴建，因為機場本屬基礎建設一種，它象徵著國力問題，而國力的最佳表現就在軍事武力以及經濟影響力上，機場正是經濟影響力的外顯。故城市之間的比較也依循相同的邏輯，有大飛機服務的城市必然在經濟上與政治上比僅有小飛機服務的來得優越，而這種差異性更可從台北松山機場與高雄小港機場的比較看出：同屬都市型機場，也同樣有飛往東京的航班，從松山出發的航班遠大於高雄，且都是使用大型飛機來執行任務，更見出高雄之不比台北的次級地位。桃園機場雖屬桃園地區所有，但它國家機場的政治地位實際是以服務首都台北市為目的的，因此它的存更加強了台北市的優越性地位，由此突出了高雄的次級地位。

飛機之大小的形式差異已帶有強烈的偏見存在，但這種偏見的確定更在於服務內容的差別待遇上。大飛機的每一個座位上都設有個人專屬的娛樂系統，先不論娛樂系統之先進與否，至少每一個乘客都可以在耳機的包覆之下輕鬆地享受視聽娛樂，運氣好一點的更可以自由選擇所要的娛樂節目。反之，小飛機的乘客必須挺著脖子看架設於天花板上的液晶螢幕，運氣差一點的乘客更須努力地張大眼睛才能看清楚倒底螢幕上在演什麼。雖說後者像是在電影院看電影一般，但機艙內狹小的空間加上座位距離的過度親近，娛樂反倒像是身心的折磨。兩三個小時的航程或許可以容忍，在長一點的根本就是花錢買罪受，就像我搭泰國航空往歐洲的親身經歷，為了貪圖看電影而換來背痛、脖子痛，那種像是落枕的疼痛真是難以忍受。

形式與內容間的差異是明顯成等比的，大飛機便備有更優秀的服務項目，而小飛機則提供次級的服務內容。大飛機除了作為一種便利的交通工具外，它自身更是航空公司服務的象徵，而小飛機就不過是附屬於大飛機系統之下的輔助品，幫助航空公司完成提供交通服務的目的，因此娛樂不是主要的服務內容。除本國籍的出境旅客外，大城市自身的國際能見度更能吸引外國遊客，在加上國家機制對大城市的肯定與輔助，因此航空公司必然把大飛機配置於大城市的服務中，儘量滿足這一城市中的所有需求。相對的，從屬於其他城市的國際機場因城市自身無法吸引本國乘客之外的外國遊客，因此永遠只能享有航空公司次極品的服務。事實上這是一種差異的惡性循環，大者恆大之下加重了原本的偏見，而航空公司自身的商業營利考量絕不可能對此差異做出任何可能的修正。

小紅梅航空公司的服務便是這種商品市場機制引導出的歧視的最佳證明。不過在分析之前要先指出以小紅梅航空為例，並不是對這家公司的刻意詆毀，更非對這家公司的偏見。以她作例是因對特定航點，她同時提供往來桃園與高雄的航班，且從高雄出發的航線與航班數量遠多於綠地球航空公司。雖這裡不詳細分析綠地球航空公司，但他們對高雄人的歧視並不亞於小紅梅，且甚至更為嚴重，因在現實中的缺席代表著為他們幾乎不把高雄放在眼裡。

小紅梅航空每週有一班高雄到北京的航班，用的是中小型的737-800客機，但從桃園到北京卻是每天都有航班，且用的是大型的747-400客機。航班數量的差異並不能完全歸咎於航空公司之上，這裡不只有乘客數量問題，更涉及兩岸間航班限制規定。單就航機運用來看，738所能提供的服務完全不及744，尤其在航空公司完成744內艙改裝之後。從高雄直飛北京的費用遠大於從桃園出發，但在飛機上所能得到的服務卻遠遜於後者，則走這條航線的本益比其差無比，雖時間上節省了數小時似乎彌補了缺憾，但航班選擇性的匱乏又同時抵消了省時的優勢。同樣的情況也出現在曼谷航線上，桃園的航班數量遠大於高雄，且班班都是配備新娛樂系統的330-300大飛機，價格上更相對低廉。從整體應支出價格來看，從高雄出發的738航班完全不具備競爭力，唯一的優勢就在時間的節省上，但時間優勢實際並未能彌補極差的本益比，關鍵問題就在服務上：若花費差異不大，為什麼得到的服務比較差？從此便導出下一個問題：既然不趕時間，是否寧願多花一點時間來獲取比較好的服務？

由此，商品市場機制的惡性循環不斷持續下去，加重了政治意識的偏差。航空公司提供的商品選擇教育消費者「由桃園出發才能享有優良的服務」，但同時卻又假借「省時與便利性」來推銷相對次級的產品，而消費者又因習慣於直接從廣告來吸收商品資訊而做出消費動作，不斷在已被預先設定好的有限選擇中做出「出於自由意志的決定」，然這根本不是真正的自由意志表現，而是商品市場機制的操弄結果。生產與消費的循環過程合法化既有的商品市場機制，而機制背後本已有政治意識型態的存在，所以整個消費體系體現了早已存在於商品生產之前的南北差異問題，

當然的，這樣的說法政治化了商業模式的運作，也因此就商論商者必然以市場需求的角度來駁斥此處提出的觀點，指出缺席或者忽視本因不足的需求使然，因此上市場上的商品選擇必然有限，也無法滿足所有人的期待。但市場需求論述本質上是有問題的說法，因這種需求並非可以做出明確的簡單解釋的生理需求，如餓了要吃飯是生理需求的解釋，但市場需求說法實際是說餓了要吃什麼飯的問題。前者或許可以是等式結構，但後者絕不可能是等式的，因為還有別的東西影響著需求的意義表現，即商業機制中的廣告，這便帶出了更重要的議題，到底是誰有權力控制市場機制的有效實踐？一旦市場機制的運作連結到意識問題時，一切必然是泛政治化的：因為人不可能完全共享同樣且不變的意識，也因此意識的衝突不可避免，必然衍生出宰制與霸權的問題。當思考的層面走向控制，或者宰制性問題時，簡單的商業性等式思維便顯不足且幼稚，不僅隱藏了生產與消費的連動關係，更把消費轉化成一種當代神話，愚弄著市場中的每一個人，讓他們以為他所做的任何決定都是一種出於自由意志的結果。

雖說里程較長的航線理應比里程短的貴，但實際存在的距離並非價格公平性的依據，而附屬於服務範圍的一切更打破了定價的合理性，形成一種反邏輯的極怪異消費模式，在被默許的狀況下肯定了消費市場機制的合法存在，並因此轉化根本不合理的商品成為個人意識中的一種合理選擇。問題是這種所謂合理的、自由的選擇，根本是不自由、不合理的，因為在這種本末倒置的消費機制體系中，公不公平已非實際可見的、可測量的距離問題，空間感知的壓縮強調出時間認知，進而抽象化並象徵化消費動作，致使深陷其中的人誤以為空間中所有的既存狀態都是合理的存在，忽視了自身意識的自主性問題，僅能盲從於市場的規律而缺乏判斷。選擇實是市場機制規定出來的遊戲規則，而這個規則又與遊戲參與者的籌碼綁在一起，假公平之名而行不公平之實。

在這種怪異且不合理的消費邏輯中，高雄人因為默許次級服務而變成了次等人，但是否這種詭異狀態完全不能扭轉，是否就像Jean Baudrillard弔詭的超現實預設，高雄人就是已喪失人性而完全「役於物」的純粹消費者？Baudrillard的說法問題很多，此也無法申論，但反觀日本航空與新加坡航空所提供的服務，或許可以稍微平衡一下差異性問題，雖不可能打破整體消費神話的存在，更不可能取消政治意識型態問題，至少消費者重新被賦予了「身為人」的身分，至少他們在「役於物」的狀態中獲得了相對更自由的選擇權，至少更好的服務是對消費者人性的基本尊重。台灣的航空公司應多花一點心力針對附屬的服務產品做出品質提升，因為高雄人、台北人都是人，都應享有相同的服務品質。

A Shy Guy’s Approach

"Can I bum a cigarette?" The shy guy finally approached me after moving around me for a while.

"Sure! Do you need a lighter?" I looked for my lighter and then handed it to him with a smile.

"Thanks." He started smoking without saying more.

This is the end of the conversation.

"So he must be straight, otherwise he will try to carry on the conversation." I told myself I got the wrong message, which could be true since my gaydar is quite broken. 

However, I found that he did not leave but stood right in front of me. He seemed nervous and not sure about what to do next. I looked at him and wondered whether or not he would talk to me. He kept looking to his right, and it seemed like he was avoiding me. Then my dear friend came back from the bathroom. Naturally I quietly told her about what just happened, and she started to check this guy out, quite boldly. Still, he did not leave; neither did he make any effort to look at us.

Then his friends showed up. Though he seemed to relax a bit, he did not really talk to his friends who acted like it’s their first time clubbing. Since we were at the corner where the foosball was, I thought he must be waiting for his friends to play the foosball. This was confirmed when the manager of the club showed up to open the foosball and checked the jammed slot. Since I had never seen the inside of that machine, I said, "Wow, it’s my first time seeing this." Finally he looked at me with a big smile on that cute face. Still, no conversation! I told my friend he’s not gay, but she insisted that he is and is interested in me.

He still stood in front of us for a while, and then his friends called him to join them, still in front of us. These two other boys looked pretty gay. Tight T-shit with skinny jeans and Converse baseball boots, they were truly twinks. It seemed like they were teasing him or something, but I could not tell since the music was damn loud. Except that big smile to me, he avoided us, but my friend caught him peeking at us when he had to turn his face to his friends. Then he disappeared!

Later my friend and I went dancing, and when I was quite immersed in the remix of the 80s music, I saw him standing on the far right looking at my direction. But, you know, it’s quite impossible to ensure whether he was looking at me when I was submerged in all different kinds of flesh and blood. But I found that whenever I got the chance to look at where he was, he was always there, smoking, looking at my direction. I told my friend that maybe she was right about him, but still I was not sure. I could not pick up any clues that could confirm his gayness. His outfit was so boring. A gray polo shirt with a small hole on the right arm, overly loose jeans that made his legs look short, brown working boots, along with his scruffy face and messy hair, all these made him look like a real lumberjack, not a cute one that one would see in the movies. Despite these, he does have a good looking face, one that reminds me of those cute French or Italian actors.

Not long after we went back to where we were for a rest, he wandered to our area again, but this time he did not stay but carried on his wanderings around the club. Later when he came again, he accidently looked up and met my gaze. I guess he was a bit shocked coz he gave a quick nod with a nervous look on his face, and then he very quickly turned himself and walked to the chair that was a bit far from us. I do not know whether or not he intentionally chose that chair coz the chair was facing me. The funny thing was he sat facing the bar rather than me, and once I caught him looking at me, he swiftly turned his head back to the bar direction. Not for long, the staff of the club came and took the chair away, so he had no alternative but sat on the built-in sofa that faced our direction. Still, I locked my eyes on him with a smile on my face, which I thought a welcome sign that might get him to approach me. But unfortunately, neither did he make the move nor look at my direction again. He sat there for less than a minute and then stood up quickly and walked to the dance floor. Even though he walked away and stood with his back facing us, he was still in front of me.

Nothing actually happened, and I still do not know who this person is and whether or not he is interested in me. All I know is that this person could not be straight and he is very shy. Straight guys don’t bum a cigarette and then do things like that. Also straight guys always check out hot chicks rather than ignore them completely. There were couple girls actually sending him the very obvious sexual signs, but he totally overlooked them, treating them like air. His other friends checked us out very boldly whenever they walked past us, and that might be a sign that they knew about something.

Another friend of mine told me that I played my cards all wrong. Maybe I did play my cards wrong, but what else I can  do when he is so shy! If I did act more aggressively, then I am sure I would scare him away. It is so difficult to deal with a shy guy. But honestly, except for his bad taste for clothes and the lack of style, he is such a cute shy guy.

Madonna, the Real Queen: 2012 Super Bowl halftime show

When Madonna talked to the audience in her interview with Anderson Cooper, she said "I have eight minutes to set it up and seven minutes to take it down and twelve minutes to put on the greatest show on earth." (Read Here) Yes, she did it, and that 12 minutes are not just fabulous and innovative, but truly qualified as "the greatest show on earth."

Many would argue against this statement, and as you can read from the comments on Youtube. Those who dislike the show criticize her for lip sync as well as lame dance, and there are even comments saying that she represents some kind of dark occult that might have endanger the social norms. The last critique is ridiculous. If you want to view the pop culture through such standards, then there is no pop culture. Can you imagine living in a world of drought, just like the middle ages when the "orthodox" religious beliefs rule everything? But even in that period of time, festivals were still allowed and the pop culture was lively among laymen. Those who believe in such standards probably detest the fantasy world of Dante or Rabelais, and they probably hate the Carnival of Venice, the Rio Carnival, and the Mardi Gras in Sydney or New Orleans.

As for those who criticize her for lip sync and lame dance, they have been too harsh on her. She is 53, and putting on a show this grand is never easy. For those who have never perform on stage, they would not know how difficult it is to sing and dance at the same time, particularly on a stage this big. Go ask a Broadway musical performer! In fact, the last song Like a Prayer was a live performance, and even though I do think Madonna is not a great singer, she did it quite well. I do agree that her dancing movements are less powerful than she did before in her concerts, but the varieties of dance and the incorporation of acrobatics, marching, as well as cheerleading enrich the overall performance marking Madonna's innovation and creativity.

Except Give Me All Your Luvin (featuring Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.) is the new song from MDNA (2012), the rest is famous and catchy old songs. Vogue and Music are so popular that even the non-fans of Madonna would be able to sing a bit of them. When old songs are performed, naturally they bring about nostalgia, which certainly helps create the desired ambience. According to Fredric Jameson, this nostalgia marks the weakness of postmodern arts, that is, its inability to represent and fashion the contemporaneity (see Postmodernism, or, the Cultural Logic of Late Capitalism, 21). However, this 12 minutes show is a nostalgia with a reshaped form in which bold innovations are inserted to renew the old images of these songs. In other words, Modonna's world of Roman soldiers, Greek gods, cheerleaders, acrobatic performers, street dancers, choir singers, as well as marching ensemble is a world of multifarious artistic forms, and none of these component parts is irrelevant to or detached from the modern lifestyle:  the cheerleaders and marching ensemble in Glee, the Greek gods and Roman soldiers from the latest Hollywood films, the world-famous acrobatic performance from Cirque du Soleil, the street dance that everyone enjoys on Live to Dance in the US or Got to Dance in the Uk, and lastly the church choir whose singing can also touch those who are not a member of Christianity. Everything is identifiable and easy to capture for those in the auditorium or in front of the TV.

Multifarious pastiche is the nature of contemporary pop culture, but Madonna's creativity and sincerity turn such a pastiche into a fine artistic expression. The ensemble is not simply an arbitrary combination of forms. Each component part is placed carefully in relation to the overall performance. This is why they do not contradict but complement each other, and the ensemble not only charms the crowd, but also confirms their mental image of the contemporary pop culture. Thus, this successful portrayal of the modern life and entertainment renews Madonna's old songs and the nostalgic ambience is replaced with the passion of the cheering crowds. Her creativity makes her the real queen of contemporary pop culture, a true icon for twenty-first century pop fashion. Some might want to compare her with Lady Gaga, but the truth here is "Madonna is irreplaceable." She has passed the phase to use grotesque or bizarre performances to legitimize her status. Now she renews herself from her own past. She evolves from within, and this is why she is amazing. 

求得龍年運簽之感

日出東方福雲散，乾坤清氣盡光明。
二十四時都清洁，求財作事皆有成。

常言道「太歲當頭座，無福必有禍」。今年為龍年，恰是本命年，故於春游台南時，在古廟北極殿向上帝爺玄天上帝求一隻運簽。幸運地得到上帝爺眷顧，給了隻上簽。或許也該是時候到了，蹇運走盡，上帝爺不過就事論事，據實以告。又或者是平時之努力與行為處事為上帝爺認可，加上誠心善念，所以賜予這隻上簽來肯定並鼓勵。

神明的意圖永遠無法被證實，但就簽意觀之，明顯的「必有禍」應該是不成立了。事實上是福就不會是禍，若是禍怎樣也躲不過，人生本就福禍相伴，如此人生才有意義，而來的禍越大，對生命的體悟也就越深刻，越能珍惜緊接而來的福。

既然上帝爺給了如此大的肯定，則太歲本命年必然是福祿並置的昌旺之年，更當把握時機，努力精進。「舉頭三尺有神明」，冥冥之中是有一股力量在引導往良善正確的方向前進的。就算是迷信好了，至少人帶著希望，日子也就過得比較清鬆，對自己更有信心，對未來也就不再徬徨。

Is he gay? Is he interested in me or not? Damn, this is confusing

Halloween is really a big thing, not because of the embedded cultural factors but mostly about dressing up for a cool and fun party. Indeed, this is why people expect Halloween. A very close friend told me that Halloween is also a weird time when strange things happen. According to her, people would get more excited and thus act more bluntly than usual. I kind of agree with her, but honestly, I think the reason is booze and the party mood.

So I went to a quite cool Halloween party in a local gay club. In where I live, gay club is something totally different from what you normally know. Though the club clearly stated that they were a gay club, from my point of view it was simply a dance club with a bit more gay crowds than others. Since options for night life is miserable here, and true gay clubs seem nonexistent, naturally you see mixed crowds everywhere. Anyways, we only had this gay club here, and yes, I use "had" because it only lasted for about 6 months. In fact, I heard this Halloween party was their last night! I believe there must be some more gay places in my town, but unfortunately, as being away from club scenes for too long, I totally have no clue of them. So it is really sad that the only gay club I know is gone forever...

This Halloween party was fun even though there were lots of "fake" gays who simply went there to enjoy the lustful attention from gay guys. I don't mind them as long as they stay away and don't dance. It is obvious these straight guys came with either their gay friends or other female friends. I really don't think a straight would go to a gay bar alone.

Then this guy with a pretty face caught my attention. Obviously he came alone since he didn't really talk to anyone and kept playing with his iphone. He came without dressing up as anything and his demeanor said he seemed to be straight. Gray polo shirt, jeans, and a beer, nothing fancy or pretty. I don't think a gay guy would dare to show up like that in a gay club! I told my female friend about him, and then she started to look for him. I am pretty sure he noticed us because later he just stood facing us and chatted with the girl next to him.

To my surprise, he came near our table, made a silly smile, and then quickly turned and went back to the girl to whom he talked. Then the girl pushed him, and he came near us again, but this time he waved his hand and said hi. Again, he quickly turned and went back to his girl friend. Since he wore a pair of funny sunglasses, I could not tell whether he said that to me or my girl friend. Instinctively, I thought that was for my girl friend, but she told me that this is a gay bar, so it must be for me. Confusing, as I say, I don't even believe that the club is truly a gay one.

Nothing happened since that, and he kept standing in front of us, but he started talking to another girl who hit on him. They seemed to have a great time and exchanged phone numbers, I guess. So I thought I was right about him being straight. Later, someone bumped into my right arm, and naturally I turned my face towards that person. That was him. He said sorry and then quickly walked away to where he had been the whole night. But just that short period of time, one second only, I am pretty sure we exchanged an eye contact because I saw nothing but his brown eyes in which I do remember there was a sparkle. But at that moment, I told myself that was the reflection of the light. Then nothing happened, and he kept talking to that girl.

All my friends said I got picked up, but deep down I don't think so. I am pretty sure I got picked up if this happens in a real gay club, like GAY in London where I had experienced numerous similar situations. But here... that is questionable. They all laughed at me for being stupid and cowardly, and I do agree. After being single for too long, it is quite difficult for me to react with confidence to this, especially when I cannot even define whether he was smiling at me or not.  This is really confusing, and it bugs me. Not that I want to develop something with him, but that puzzle lingering in my mind. It felt good to have an admirer! Shame on me for being so superficial.

If he is straight, why would he go to a gay bar alone? Why didn't he just make it easy and introduce himself right after that silly smile? So my very dear friend is right. Halloween is truly a weird time in which strange things happen.

A Coward

A coward is a man
Who dares not make a move
To that rare chance
Offered to him
On the golden tray.

A coward is a man
Who dares only to give a smile
Without saying his name
Bestowed on him
On his very first day

A coward is a man  
Ignoring the present
Indulging in the past
That is a glory to him
As if life is simply a dying fame

A coward is a man  
Losing his self
Pretending to be a real man
That is a goal to him
As if life is simply being a man

He's not a man
For his tries are so lame
I'm not a man
For this smother I place on my fate

       ---------- Minchih Sun 2011-10-30

講台語的心晟：台語的藝術性與情感性

還記得小學時牆壁上張貼的禁說台語標示，那時候在學校說台語是會被處罰的，有的會被打，有的則是罰錢，但有趣的是在這種壓制台語的學習環境裏，台語並未從生命中消失，仍一直是日常生活的慣用語。比如中午去買吃的，隨口一出就是「頭家」，接著就混著國、台語一起使用。說的人不覺有異，聽的人也多回應得很自然。

身為一個所謂的「芋頭蕃薯」，國、台語雙聲帶是那麼自然，根本就不須訓練就已能靈活運用、駕輕就熟。最好笑的就是當有事不想讓家裏的「國語人」知道，就用台語說，但事實上我們都知道他們多少聽得懂一些。或有時要捉弄「阿嬤」，就故意一直說國語，逼著她說那聽起來頗好笑的「不輪轉」的國語。

與朋友們去唱歌，點歌單裏總是混著國、台語歌曲，甚至有時故意把國語歌唱成台語，或者用國語唱出螢幕上的台語歌詞。故意把台語唱成國語通常是好笑的，而台語再怎麼好的人，每當遇到要把國語給台語化時，也會有卡住、轉不過去的時候，這時滿室哄堂，大家都「笑到彎腰去」。

其實從小到大根本就沒有所謂的學台語這件事，也不曾想過台語是須要去學的。靈活使用台語的能力，完全是從跟家人、朋友的日常說話中培養出來的。

這麼說吧，環境對語言的學習是有決定性影響力的，若是缺乏環境與使用習慣，想熟悉台語的用字遣詞、腔調與聲律根本是不太可能的。其實學什麼語言都一樣，單想靠學校或是補習班的教學，把語言當成是死板板的文法規則，完全忽視語言是活生生的人用以溝通的有機工具，這只會產生令人厭倦的壓力，讓人討厭語言的學習。

現今的中小學英語教育不就是這般成效不彰嗎？報紙、新聞常常在說台灣的英語教學成果不理想，而教育研究者也不斷試圖改進這種不堪的狀態，但基本上都不過是治標不治本的空談。原因就在台灣根本就不是個說英語的環境，加上考試導向的語言教育從未考慮語言的實際使用問題，一般學生想說流利的英語好像是要去登天一樣。少數英語學得好的多是因自身的興趣使然，也因此他們的努力並非僅是記憶與背誦，而是在他們的日常生活中去靈活使用英語。

現今這種把台語規則化以利教學的傾向越來越明顯，但這真的是一個適當的方式嗎？說實話，適當的方式是什麼尚未有定論，可能也不會有定論，但相信家裡有小朋友的家長們必定對小學台語教學敬畏三分。那充滿著莫名其妙的拼音文字的台語課本，真令人匪夷所思，好像是在教什麼神祕難解的外星語。最恐怖的是老師也搞不清楚書裡印的是什麼，小孩更說不出倒底學的是什麼。漸漸的，學台語變成是令人討厭的東西。為什麼學台語一定要弄得這麼複雜呢？為什麼只能用拼音文字來寫台語呢？

事實上在台灣說台語並不是個奇怪的現象，換句話說，台灣並未缺乏學台語的環境。就算北部人多說國語，台語也沒有在台北消失，更有許多台北人是用台語在買一碗麵或一杯飲料。到了南部，台語更是普遍，且國、台語混用根本就已是家常便飯。打開電視，有哪部連續劇不說台語，哪個綜藝節目不說台語，甚至連廣告都已台語化了。

其實很好笑，有些小孩是說得一口好台語，但怪的是學校的台語作業卻是一團糟。其實這也不難了解，那種莫名其妙的拼音文字根本就不是台語，不過是有心人士刻意強調某種意識型態下的變態產物。當語言被政治化，政治的操弄剝奪了語言活生生的生命表現，所剩下的不過是情緒性、技術面的逞強。試想當電視上台語節目的字幕用拼音文字時，那是多麼可笑的現象？

在台灣應該沒有人不認識江蕙吧！是的，江蕙的台語歌是那麼的動人，不管聽的人懂不懂台語，多少能引發聽者「心內的感動」。聽不懂的會說是她真摯的歌聲使然，聽得懂的人更會說是那真誠歌聲唱出了歌詞的意境，唱進了人的心坎裏。

江蕙歌聲中真摯的情感當然不可否認，但更是台語本身獨特的腔調與聲韻，搭配上文字引發出的意境美，才使歌曲直通人心。事實上台語的聲律早已為一般台灣人所熟悉，就算是不說台語的台灣人，也因日常生活中的接觸而對台語有了一種親切感。所以當江蕙的歌聲進到了耳朵裏，心也就隨之起了反應，情感隨著樂曲的流動而起伏著。

曾經客居異鄉的遊子，或是對生命有所體悟的浪子，對江蕙的《落雨聲》必定是感觸良多。聲韻與音律的結合，加上文詞所引發的強烈情緒，那滴滴答答的雨聲竟隱含著多少心中難以言喻的傷感。「寂寞的雨聲，捶阮心肝」，這簡單的一句話，讓多少男子漢、女丈夫落下隱忍多時的淚水。在雨聲的催撥之下，思鄉情緒一發不可收拾，但異鄉遊子卻只能在腦海中回憶著故鄉的景色，也只能對著空幻但熟悉的風景敘說心中無限的惆悵。

「人孤單，像斷翅的鳥隻。飛袂行，咁講是阮的命。」當唱到這裏，想必許多人的心理會突然生出一種莫名的酸楚。方文山的詞不僅完美呈現了台語聲律本有的情感表達，更利用中文詞彙的意境來強化聲律中的悲悽與無奈。這種不堪與無奈，都已是事後的悔恨，就像那一句「出社會走闖塊甲人拼輸贏，為著啥，家己嘸知影。」常常就是「嘸知影」，才造成遺憾。當江蕙用她婉轉哀淒的聲調唱出「你若欲友孝世大嘸免等好額，世間有阿母惜的囝仔尚好命」，不管是否曾經歷過痛失至親的大悲，聽者已淚如雨下。想必大家都有相似的經驗，每每唱到這一句必哽咽唱不下去，因為曲詞裏的意思那麼明顯、那麼痛。

江蕙就像看盡人間悲苦與滄桑的歌姬，用她細緻但卻滄桑的聲音詮釋出「樹欲靜而風不止，子欲養而親不待」的人生大道理，告誡著要把握人生，否則「哭出聲，無人惜命命」。方文山的詞烘托了台語本身聲律所能引發的意境，而江蕙的美聲更把意境唱到人心裏去。這麼優美而本色的詞，突顯台語本有的特質，這不是什麼奇怪的拼音可取代的。

台語自古以來不就都藉著中文詞彙來強調自身語言的獨特性嗎？歌仔戲，或是更早以前的明代泉州戲《荔鏡記》，不就是以中文來創作，而用方言唱出的嗎？《荔鏡記》一本在明代前後可能流傳甚廣，學者更推論今歌仔戲《陳三五娘》即本此劇而出。試看第三齣裏丫環對著小姐說「啞娘萬福」，後又替小姐感嘆「一點春心今來交代乞誰」，這完全是本色語，雖中間夾雜較俚俗的用字遣詞，但也因與民眾的日常用語親近，更易使人進入情節中，把情緒帶出來。

其實文字與聲律間的關係早已存在數千年之久，更因歷史的演進，關於某聲對應某字的運用我們多已熟悉。從文化的觀點來說，這只不過是語言實際存在的一種方式，並無關於政治的壓制或反抗。更重要的是這種文字的使用手段，不僅延續了台語的生命，更雅化了原屬方言的台語，使她更具文學與藝術性。

同樣是江蕙的歌曲，《無言花》中「你敢有聽見花謝若落土，破碎是誰人的心肝」，不正是雅化後的台語表現嗎？又蔡振南筆下的《花若離枝》不正是一闕好詞嗎？這樣帶著文學性的藝術表現，純粹是抒發人的真實情感，也因刻意撿選文字及文意，使美聲有意境，得以絲絲動人、扣人心弦。

在台灣說台語本不覺有什麼特殊之處，但每次在異鄉聽見台語聲，才發現原來台語有那種莫名的親切感，帶來親近故鄉的興奮。待的時間長一點，更是懷念說台語的感覺，但只能一個人呆對著窗外月色用台語自言自語，或者連上網路對著螢幕唱江蕙的歌。

因為台語，故鄉的記憶變得更真實，也因文字而引出埋藏的回憶。台語早已是講台語的人的鄉愁，她一直在腦海中迴響著，更永遠在血液裏奔流著。

秋夜愁

秋意重，露華濃，人生恨重重。
但寄憂思明月中，夢醒時分愁又逢。


殘荷低頭，流水無蹤，
轉眼又是寒梅冬，冰封之鯉不得踴。


銅豌豆，敲不痛，打死不屈投。
昂然骨象誰人懂，六月雪得驗其風。


癡呆稫擁，糊突富攏，
聰明多是白作工，薦福碑前看虛空。


柳暗花明路，但刻書卷中，身唯剰傲骨，未知何方容。


---------- 孫敏智 2011/10/16

Life is like a dream

Life is like a dream
And I am dreaming my life
From dawn to dusk
It's not a grind


When the night falls
I am again alive
Awakening from dreams
Bereft of life


A sober torso
With a dreary mind
In the bleak realm
The undead sighs


Scorn the real
Cos all is a sign
Embrace the ideal
Cos vain is fine


With the God of vine
With his sweet sweet wine
Dream is nothing
But a perfect life


I am letting myself swirl
In the dreams of life
Taking flight
I shall drift with my frenzied right


---- Minchih Sun, 2011-10-14

藝評台評論

三月看完了 Ballet Preljocaj 的《白雪公主》 Blanche Neige / Snow White (2008) 後，我寫了篇舞評〈舞動在當代潮流下的白雪〉 。很幸運的我的評論通過了「藝評台」審查發表在國藝會網站上。

國家藝術文化基金會為了推廣藝術，策劃了藝術人士討論藝術的網路平台「藝評台」。這是個很好的概念，但我發現似乎知道的人並不多。其實台灣的藝評，尤其是表演藝術，一直不發達。希望國藝會更努力推廣「藝評台」網站，因為藝評的發達可以幫助藝術市場的興盛，而唯有藝術市場興盛平民大眾才能獲得更多的藝術欣賞機會。藝評不應該只是侷限在某些說話有力的人，而是納入更多新聲音、新理念來強化藝術評論的發展，如此一來藝術才有新的機會與希望。希望大家多去看戲、看展覽，看完後多多去「藝評台」發表意見，那它的存在才有實質上的意義。

Outrageous! The paranoid Canadian Customs 加拿大了不起啊，不把旅客當人看

廣告真實版 加海關刁難台婦 外交部討公道
中時 更新日期:"2010/03/17 02:16" 仇佩芬／台北報導

中國時報【仇佩芬／台北報導】

「李ＸＸ，五十歲，不會英文，一個人獨自飛行」，在溫哥華機場被加拿大海關人員攔下，強搜行李、沒收手機，立即離境。這不是廣告場景，而是台中李姓婦人的真實故事。外交部上周日（十四日）接獲當事人投訴，對於加拿大無理對待我國民眾感到不可思議，已透過駐加代表處向加國海關「討個說法」。

事情發生在上星期。五十歲的李姓婦人九日拿到加拿大核發的觀光簽證，十日隻身搭乘長榮航空飛往溫哥華，探視移民加拿大的妹妹。她不會說英文，但認為溫哥華機場有華語翻譯，還有妹妹接機，應該不會有問題。

出示簽證和回程機票 仍強搜行李

沒想到通關時，被海關人員帶進小房間，質疑她簽證過期、僅持單程機票，懷疑有逾期停留「企圖」。李婦立即出示簽證和回程機票，證明自己單純是觀光探親，卻引來海關人員一連串無理對待。

海關人員先翻開她的行李，找不到有問題的物品，只好質問她：「才到加拿大十幾天，為什麼要帶十幾件內衣？」、「妳丈夫每個月薪水只有十幾萬，為什麼妳能花五萬多元台幣買機票？」、「為什麼妳的丈夫沒有一起出國觀光？」

李婦透過華語翻譯要求電話聯絡在機場大廳等候的妹妹，或是台北的家人，證明自己身分沒有問題。但加拿大海關人員嚴拒，更當場沒收她的手機和寫有電話號碼的筆記本。

隻身不通英語 被迫簽自願離境書

海關人員透過華語翻譯向李婦表示，她「只有兩個選擇」，一是拘留三天，一是即刻離境返台。不通英語的李婦驚慌無助之下，簽下「自願離境」同意書，被迫搭上最近一班長榮飛機返台。

李姓婦人的女兒鉅細靡遺地寫下母親的遭遇，投書到外交部部長信箱。外交部北美司長曾厚仁獲知時驚呼：「加拿大怎麼會做這種事？太不可理解！」北美司立即拍發電報給台灣駐溫哥華代表處，責成代表處要求加方出面說明，並數度與當事人及其家屬聯絡，即時告知外交部處理情況。外交部北美司承辦祕書徐允功表示，由於當時李婦簽署的是「自願離境」同意書，加方可不聯絡我駐加人員，以致影響當事人權益。外交部希望加方能提供海關的工作紀錄，給當事人一個合理的解釋。

外交部提醒國人，美、加地區對國境安全的要求十分嚴格，民眾赴美加地區前，要備齊證件，也要注意不要攜帶可能引起懷疑的藥品、出版品等。另外，入境加拿大時，即使已通過移民員驗證關卡並已提領行李，海關人員仍有權盤查，並可依法拒絕入境。

Even though this Taiwanese woman doesn't speak English and her husband isn't a millionaire, having a good traveling visa issued by the Canadian representative in Taiwan and a booked return ticket should indicate clearly that she has the right to enter Canada as a tourist without being discriminated against.

The actions of the Customs are rude and illogical. This woman asked if she can call her sister who waited at the hall, but the Customs rejected her and even took away her mobile and telephone book. Later she was offered two options: 1. stay in costudy for three days, or 2. sign the paper that delcares her will to leave the country on the next available flight. Okay, if the person has been considered by the Customs as suspicious and dangerous to the country, it is reasonable to see these two options offered to the person involved. However, if we look carefully at this case, we would find that there are no firm reasons to justify the action of the Customs.

First, if this woman is considered a terrorist, then the Canadian goverment should have taken the actions similar to the U.S. Customs, which means to arrest the person first and delcare immediately that her current status might be dangerous to the country. Then the issue will be dealt with on the level of national security. This also means she will not be held in custody for three days, let alone being put on the next available flight.

Second, if the Canadian Customs think she has the intention to stay in Canada, then they should have checked whether she has the confirmed return ticket and should immediately contact the immigration office and also their representative office in Taipei for relevent information. In the meantime, before they can finally confirm any possible status, the person involved should not be discriminated against, meaning she should receive a good reason for being held, and also proper treatment while she is held in custody.

In this case, the rude Canadian Customs just treat her like shit: they go through her personal belongings and ask "why do you have so many pairs of underwear?", "How can you travel to Canada when your husband only makes something like 3500 Canadian dollars a month?", and even questions her visa, which was issused by their official representative office in Taipei a day before she boarded the flight to Vancouver. If the visa is invalid, it is impossible for her to board the flight, as we all know this fact from our travel experiences. All these questions are unbelivable and they remind me of my personal experience when traveling to some underdeveloped countries. In fact, as I remembered, those underdeveloped countries, though they were rude when asking questions, they still treat me like a person, not a dog.

What makes us angry here is their taking advantage of this Taiwanese woman. They know she cannot speak Engish and knows nothing about immigration laws, so in order to protect themselves from further complaints, they force her to sign the paper declaring her will to leave the country on the next available flight. That is a legal paper that forfeits the right of the person concerned to enter the country. Thus, there is really nothing we can do afterwards. Worse than that, this woman will be recorded on their immigration records (or usually called the blacklist) as someone "not welcomed". We should know that once you are recorded on the blacklist of whatever country, it will be very diffult for you to travel to other countries in the future, let alone getting a visa from countries like the U.S. As I infer from this case, forcing the woman to sign the paper clearly shows their intention to protect themselves from future complaints. They might have already known that they made a mistake and thus gave only two options for the woman to choose. Who would choose to be held in custody for three days? I would if this happens to me and I will do whatever I can to sue those involved in this event.

So what is about Canada now? People used to say the people there are nice, but in this case we only see arrogant Western mindset and rudeness. Are women inferior, especially women from Asia? Are Asian people inferior, especially Chinese? Would they dare to do the same to a U.S. or a European citizine? If they don't welcome us to see their beautiful country, then why bother to spend so much money and time to fly there? Even they don't welcome us, they should still treat us like "normal" human beings, right!

What if Dalai Lama decides not to come back to this life again?

After his visiting to the U.S., Dalai Lama talked to the reporter that he considers not to come back to this world again, or he could choose a person to represent his authority before he leaves this world. This is startling, even to a non-Tibetan like me. In fact, as I remember, he has made such statements couple years ago, but still, hearing these words again frightens me.

I am not a Tibetan, and thus I will not be able to feel what they feel when they hear this. However, as a Chinese Buddhist having known and familiar with the reincarnation system in Tibetan Buddhism, I feel sad and frustrated. Dalai Lama is considered the reincarnation of Avalokiteśvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and also the most praised and worshipped goddess in Chinese culture. She represents great mercy and love, and it is widely believed that whenever a person suffers from any kinds of pain and calls her name, the Bodhisattva will come and help release the person from pain. Thus, when the representation of this icon in this world decides not to come again, does this mean that we, the pathetic human beings, are finally left for eternal pain waiting for the Judgement Day, as is described in Christian tradition?

Of course not, I personally believe (according to my religious belief) that all gods are loving and they will not leave us. Dalai Lama is only making this statement according to the difficult political situation of Tibet. He understands well that his presence represets all Tibetans, and as long as he holds the idea that Tibetans and their culture should not be suppressed by the Chinese government, China will never welcome him and his people. Indeed, this is a dilemma, and he is left with no solution but not to come again. But such a decision will have a great influence on Tibetans because it is impossible for them to imagine the world without Dalai Lama. Thus, he says it is possible to name his successor while he is alive. In fact, this could be a good way since no more reincarnation is involved, and the new successor will be a new individual without all the past history which may be a hindrance for him to rule Tibet. In other words, this new leader is more like a political ruler than a religious icon, whose lack of religious power may make Chinese government fear less.

But still, this dilemma is still not solved. If the new successor is no longer the reincarnation of the previous Dalai Lama, he will never be Dalai Lama, even with the current Dalai Lama's consent. Tradition exists according to his internal laws, and once they are destroyed it will take a very long time for the new laws to develop and function. Tibet as a political regime has been in difficult condition, and it is undoubtedly true that their culture are greatly damaged due to the political situation. Religious belief and tradition are the reason why this culture can still survive and also the reason why Chinese government fears it so much. If Dalai Lama breaks this tradition, I wonder how this culture can be maintained without losing the essence of it. Dalai Lama says that as the time progresses, Tibetan culture should also progress and change so as to match the contemporary world. I agree with him, but I do not think that destroying the core of the culture is the best way to force an old culture to progress. Also, I believe the Chinese government will not change their attitude just because the new Dalai Lama is no longer the reincarnation of the previous ones.

I am unable to imagine a Tibet without Dalai Lama, and I am also unable to imagine a Dalai Lama who is not a Dalai Lama. Call me superstitious! I do believe in this magical reincarnation system, and I do think Dalai Lama has the wisdom and knowledge that has been passed down through such system. This is the difference between me and him. He is an old man with great wisdom and knows what life means and the rules of the world. I am only a human who tries to use my little knowledge to understand the world. Maybe his not coming back would in fact benefit his beloved people. But as a human being, I just don't think that such decisions can solve the dilemma between Tibet and China.